|“I’m not calling you a fag,” says Ed, unmoved. “But thems the breaks. Kiss. What’s the big deal? If I got one of the guys, then I would do it. Don't sweat it! I mean if you think about it, what difference does it make who you kiss?" he says calmly.|
“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” everyone starts to try to convince the guys.
Mmmm... interesting... maybe they'll even like it...
Dima and Roman drink something, close their eyes and move in towards one another. After they drink, they don’t care anymore. They’re surrounded by friends cheering them on, and they kiss. Wow! I never saw two boys kiss before. It looks so erotic when they do it... Maybe they liked it after all? When it’s over, it doesn’t look like they’re disgusted, either…
The bottle spins some more. Dasha and Pasha. Sveta and Max. Roma and Kristina. Sveta and Masha. Ed and Kristina. And finally it’s my turn. The bottle stops at Dima. I really don’t care who I’m supposed to kiss. It’s so hot in here… I lean in towards Dima and put my arms around his neck. I don’t really know why. I just felt like it, I guess… His lips are very soft. We kiss for what seems like a long time. Dima doesn’t want to let me go, and I don’t have the strength to pull away. In the end, we pull away from each other and I sit back in my spot. By Lana. She hugs me, but almost too strongly. Is she jealous? I ask her quietly. “Course not… well, maybe a little. Just the teeniest bit… but it's just a game, after all..." Lana pronounces these words strangely, and sits back on her pillow.
The game goes on and on. Everyone’s having fun, especially me… The bottle turns to me again. This time I’m supposed to kiss Marina. Interesting…
“Well, hold on,” she says, startling me with her eyes.
“I’m holding on,” I smile in reply. This is really going to be something. Marina is kinda hot…
She holds me to her. I feel it when she bites my lip. Her hands feel up under my shirt. What is she doing…?
Lana jerks Marina by her arm and throws her to the floor. Lana looks like she’s about ready to kill Marina… and maybe me, too.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Lana screams. “Can’t you see she’s my girl?!”
Her eyes are burning with a bad fire. Lana starts to turn red from fury. I really think she might be capable of killing her. Just like that.
“Calm down, already. It's just a game. What the hell is your problem? You’re just drunk, aren’t you?! Fucking freak!” Marina screams back at her.
“It might be a game, but I don’t remember groping being in the rules anywhere!” There was no way to calm Lana down.
“There may not be any such rule, but it seemed to me your girl was enjoying it, too,” Marina snapped.
What a bitch… so maybe I did like it. Just a little. It doesn’t count.
Lana throws herself at Marina. People try to pull them apart, but it’s no use. The girls are rolling around on the floor, pulling each other’s hair. Lana and Marina look like two dogs who broke their chains. Someone manages to pull them apart about 15 minutes later. Lana’s really done Marina in. I don't really feel like myself.
Everyone’s really drunk, and we’re all staying the night at Vanya’s. Lana and I don't have anywhere else to go, anyway. There’s a lot of people, so people just have to lie down where ever they can. Vanya left to go sleep at the Ukraina Hotel, and two girls are sleeping in his bedroom. Some people leave for a sauna, others go to a club, whoever's got money and the desire to do so (not many) takes a taxi home. Lana and I are lying on the pillows in the living room. Egor, Pasha and Marina are nearby. Some people who really lost out are trying to sleep in the kitchen. I really want to sleep, and I snooze a little at Lana’s breast.
I wake up to some sort of bumping and weird sounds. My head is killingme… I can barely turn to look and squint through my puffed up eyes. I feel like shit… The source of the weird sounds turns out to be Ed, Pasha and Marina. Looks like the three of them are having a grand old time together. Ed and Pasha are both wasted and are tearing at Marina's body. She's not exactly sober, either, but she appears to be enjoying it. "Can you keep it down a bit?" I ask sternly. That's it. This is really enough. I turn away and try to cover my head to keep from hearing anything.
My head hurts so much… and I’m thirsty. Someone, kill me please! Yesterday is covered in a thick fog. When I try to open my eyes and look around me, I fall into a complete stupor. It takes ten to fifteen minutes just to figure out where I am. I don’t see Lana around, she must have gotten up already. I wonder what time it is… I get up and try to find my bag with my cell phone in it. After a while I find it buried in a mountain of clothes and bags near the door. When did I manage to put it there? I don't remember. I don't remember much of anything. Fuck… I turned my phone off. Kristina… I was supposed to call her… oh, my parents… damn, I’ve really done it now…
I turn my phone on. It's five o’clock. A bunch of text messages start to come through: Kris, mom, Kris three more times, mom again... They're probably worried. My head is going to explode from the pain. And something else feels weird. Could it be my conscience? That’s the last thing I needed… What am I going to do now?
I try to chase all of these thoughts away, to just not think them in the first place. Just don't think about Kris or my parents. They'll get on without me. I hope... I slip into the bathroom, wash my face and burst into the kitchen. Lana is sitting there. She looks as hungover and puffy as I do.
“Good morning,” I croak on my way to the fridge.
I feel like I’m going to barf, but I'm still hungry and thirsty.
“What do you mean 'good’?” Lana asks, sounding exhausted.
She’s right. There’s nothing good about this morning. Although it is our first morning together.
The fridge is practically empty: there’s a half-empty bottle of coke and some orange juice. Great… I take a couple of sips of the juice and put it on the table. Maybe there’s at least something in the freezer. When I open the freezer door I find a pack of frozen waffles with jam filling and a bag of frozen veggies. There's nothing to do, and I'm starving, so I guess we have to eat what we found. At least we found something.
I find a frying pan and other kitchenware for cooking, put the veggies in the pan and start frying. I just hope no one else wakes up. I put the hot veggies onto some plates and then open the package of waffles.
“Wow, you’re so good in the kitchen, and I don't know how to cook at all,” Lana breathes after a long silence.
“No worries. I know how to cook, why should both of us cook, then? We can’t both fit on one stovetop, anyway,” I say.
Then I start to picture what it’s going to be like when Lana and I live together. Just Lana and me. I smile at these pleasant thoughts. That would be so wonderful, just she and I.
“Why are you smiling,” Lana says, sitting me down on her lap.
“I was thinking about us,” I answer.
“Everything is going to be OK. I just know it,” Lana whispers and kisses me.
Now I know it, too. It just can’t be any other way, not if we love each other so much.
No one else gets up, and Lana and I are able to have our breakfast in peace. It’s so nice. The best breakfast of my entire life.
“We’ve got to think about what we're going to do next. I have a little money, it’ll last us a few days… but we can’t hang around Vanya’s all the time… But that’s later, right now, we’re taking a shower,” Lana announces, her arms around me.
A shower with Lana. Sounds divine…
This is all so strange - Lana and I. It’s unreal… the warm water and Lana’s soft, hot hands. Her skin is so smooth. I’m probably soaked through with strawberry… Maybe I’ll turn into a strawberry. That insane, strawberry taste… I have lost myself in her, and she in me. There is only the water and Lana’s strawberry lips. I am ready to die from the pleasure of it all, right here and right now… I love her…
The others started to wake up around six o’clock. Dima tells us that Vanya is gonna be home by eight… Everything’s cool and everything, only I somehow doubt Vanya is gonna be thrilled to see us all here. I mean we can’t all just move in here with him… although that would be pretty cool, wouldn’t it?
Ed and I sit and drink tea quietly, which there is plenty of. No one feels like talking after last night’s craziness. We sit like that for a about a half hour. People start leaving for home little by little, and then it’s just me, Lana and Ed. As if to announce the end of it all, Vanya’s girlfriend arrives, and she was not in the mood to play gracious hostess to guests that had worn out their welcome long ago…
“You can stay at my place for a couple of days,” Ed suggests. “My parents are up at their friends’ house in the country, we can chill with no problems,”
“Well, then, we will,” Lana answers for both of us.
She’s always doing everything for the both of us. And I have no objections.
We gather our things (well, what little there was) and set off for Ed’s place.
His apartment turns out to be very cozy. Four average-sized rooms, a practically sterile bathroom, a big kitchen done up in Eastern style - everything’s spotless and perfect. Ed’s parents are probably a couple of anal retentive perfectionists. Wonder how Ed turned out the way he did…
I ask Ed if I can use the phone and call Kristina. I already miss her, and I need some things from home.
The phone rings - once, twice, three times... it feels like an eternity passes before my faithful friend picks up the phone.
“Hullo?” her voice sounds worried and upset. Not because of me, I hope. God, I'm such a shit.
“It’s me… Hi, Kristina,” I start out shyly, already foreseeing what’s about to happen.
“Well, hello. Where the hell are you, you bitch! Your mother practically blew up my cell phone all last night! She practically had a heart attack. We had to postpone our trip because of it, we came back this morning. Why didn't you call?"
I only just now remember that Kristina and her parents were supposed to go out of town. The words exchanged between my mother and I on the phone last night start to emerge in my memory, as does the brief conversation I had with Kristina. Man, I’ve really screwed up everything…
“I’m sorry. Forgive me, please. I know, I’m a bitch. A huge bitch. It just… happened. I’m at Ed’s place.”
I don’t finish what I want to say, because Kristina interrupts me. She wants to kill me. And she’s right.
“How could you? Who is this Ed, anyway? When are you coming home?” she fires into the phone. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? I thought someone killed you…”
She bursts into tears.
“I know, I know. I’m sorry. It just happened that way… I’m not coming back home,” I mutter into the phone, trying to calm Kristina down. “Don’t worry. Everything's fine."
“Well what the hell happened?” Kristina asks, calming down slightly.
“It’s a long story. We stayed the night at Vanya Shapovalov’s, we met a ton of people, including the t.A.T.u. girls, and now we’re at Ed’s apartment. Everything’s really good, really. But I can’t go back home. I need your help…”
“Like what?” is all Kristina can say.
“Can you go to my house and bring me some clothes?" I ask.
"Have you finally lost it?” Kristina asks angrily. “Why on earth would I go to your apartment, to see your parents, if you aren’t home?”
“Well... I dunno… you’ll have to make something up,” I try to convince her.
I really really need her help right now.
“You’re smart. You’ll come up with something good.”
“Even if I do get in, how am I going to take your stuff unnoticed? Jane, are you joking?!”
She’s right. She won’t be able to take anything unnoticed. I’ll have to think of something. I can’t let my parents start suspecting anything.
"Well… put my clothes on underneath yours, come in with a big backpack and say that I promised to give you a notebook or something, like notes from biology class. They won’t notice if you have a big backpack. Just… think of something.”
“Fine. I’ll try. But only for you. I’m going right now… How will we meet later?”
I adore Kristina!
“I’ll call you. How about 8 or 9? Can you make it?”
“I’ll try. Only my mom might recognize your voice. And then…”
“OK, Lana will call then…”
“You are insane!”
“I know, I know…”
Again, we’re sitting and drinking tea. Just sitting there drinking tea, watching the boob tube. There’s nothing else to do before nighttime, and Ed promised to take us to a club at night. If we feel like it, we can go to Vanya’s place again. But actually I never really wanted to leave… We should call Kris soon. I hope she brings everything. Lana and I are slightly different sizes and her clothes don’t fit me so well, and I can’t wear the same thing over and over again… I want to change…
“Can you call Kristina? She was supposed to get my things,” I ask Lana, turning away from the TV.
“I’ll call… but why can’t you call yourself?” she asks lazily. She doesn’t take her eyes off the screen, even though it’s a commercial.
“I can’t, her mom will recognize my voice and call my mother."
“When should I call then?”
“In about a half hour…”
“Did you get it?”
“Got it. They almost caught me, though. When are we meeting?”
“The sooner the better. Can you do it today?"
“Sure. When and where?”
“In twenty minutes at Pushkin Square. Deal?”
Kristina is already there when I arrive. She is clearly nervous. I see her from far away - it'd be impossible not to notice her. Kristina has always been easy to spot in a crowd with her bright read coat. She's pacing back and forth near the statue. I wonder how long she's been waiting.
“Hey,” I greet her. God, I've missed her all this time.
“Well, salutations,” she replies, looking down at the ground.
“Everything OK?” I ask, even though I know that nothing is, that Kristina wants to kill me. But I had to say something.
“What do you think?” she answers, still looking at the ground. “How about you, everything going well?”
“Yeah, it’s all good. You bring my stuff?”
“Yeah… here, take it.” She holds out a bag of my clothes and some other stuff.
“Thanks. If anything comes up, just call Lana’s phone. I don't wanna turn mine on,” I say, taking the bag.
Everything seems to weird, like something’s not right…
“She’s worried,” Kris says.
Why won't she look at me?
“Who is?” I ask. I don’t get what she’s talking about.
“It’s her fault to begin with. She kicked me out… I dunno, maybe Ill go back eventually. I just need a break. I can’t stand it anymore... wanna come with me? It’s gonna be a blast.”
I want to hang out with Kristina. We always have such a good time… even though that’s not so important…
“No. I have to take care of some things…” she says.
“What things are there to take care of on Saturday and Sunday?”
“The usual things. You come back home, OK?”
“I dunno. Things are going so great with me and Lana. You wouldn’t believe it. I mean, we’re together, and that’s all we need.”
“I’m happy for you… how about going somewhere? It’s so cold out here.”
As usual, Kris is right. It's butt-ass cold outside. My teeth have even started to chatter.
We step into MacDonald’s. After standing in line for a while we get a coke and some tea.
“So tell me about it, what happened,” Kristina started.
The warmth inside had made her herself again, and she was back to being my friend like before. There she is, my impatient, eternally curious Kristina.
“A lot. We really partied hard, it was great. We were at Vanya’s place, we might go back again today. Everything’s just so freakin’ cool. And everything is working out with Lana,” I tell her dreamily.
Looks like Kristina isn’t too thrilled with my answer. I could tell her I grew wings and flew around all night, she still wouldn’t be impressed.
“Just how good?” she asks.
We know what she wants to hear…
“This good,” I say, spreading my arms open wide.
“Jane! That’s not an answer,” Kristina barks, wild with curiosity.
“So what is an answer, then?” I ask, smiling at her.
Oh, I'm driving her mad…
“How should I know?! If I knew, then I wouldn’t be asking,” she barked out impatiently.
“What do you want from me? I basically told you everything."
“Not everything,” Kristina says, sounding hurt.
“How’s that not everything? Didn’t you hear me? I said everything, just the short version,” I say, sipping on my coke.
“Did you sleep with her?” my friend asks me.
Oh, she’s just dying to find out if I slept with Lana.
“Yeah, I did.”
“Well why didn’t you say so in the first place? And you call yourself a friend? How can you be like this? Shame! So? How was it? Did you like it?” Kris starts to yell, almost crushing her drink.
What’s this all about? I mean, I already told her everything…
“It was fantastic,” I say concisely.
“Wow,” Kristina pronounces slowly, finishing her drink.
“Let’s go, OK? I’ve got to run,” I say, standing up.
"Fine then, you little shit,” she answers.
As we’re walking down the street, Kristina’s cell phone starts to ring. It’s Lana. She’s calling from Ed’s phone to ask if everything’s OK, and to let me know that tonight the party’s at Ed’s place. People have already started to arrive.
As we say good-bye, Kristina kisses me on the cheek and starts to wish me well. “May you be fruitful and multiply… For as long as..." she stops in thought. “Right. You’re not going to be fruitful or multiply, no matter how hard you try. So I wish you as much as possible for as long as possible!” How vulgar! We laugh and say good-bye, I promise to call her in a few days.
The apartment is already full when I get there. I already know some of them, but some I don't. That's funny, I don't see Lana or Ed. Where could they be?
“Hey there!” A not-too sober Dima comes over to me. It’s like the party never ended.
“Hi! Have you seen Lana?” I ask him, still searching for her with my eyes.
“Yeah… she was around here somewhere. Come have a drink!” Dima pulls me off into the living room.
“I’ll be there in a sec, I’m gonna go take a shower and change,” I cannot wait to get into some of my own clean clothes.
The hot water makes me feel like myself again. And Lana? She'll show up. I’ve no reason to follow her around like a prisoner. I’ll just take a quick shower and then join up with Dima and the others.
Much better… I’ve put on my favorite black stretch semi-transparent t-shirt and a denim mini-skirt. I go into the living room, where Dima and everyone else is. The music is on full blast. There are empty bottles on the floor, and full bottles on the table. I plop down on the sofa next to Pasha.
“Want some?” he asks, holding out a glass of something. I don’t know what it is…
“Sure,” I say taking the glass. Basically I don’t really care what is in the glass. As long as we have a good time.
It turns out to be a martini, or something like it. I start feeling a little better. I want to dance...
“Let’s dance! What are we just sitting here for?” I yell, jumping up from the sofa.
Everyone slowly but surely starts to get up. Marina comes over to me. She wants to dance with me. Fine with me. She’s not bad looking at all. The music gets louder and louder, and the room gets darker and darker. There are a few people sitting on the sofas smoking something that I am pretty sure ain’t no tobacco…
Marina pulls me to her… I don’t resist her at all, and I don’t know why. I love Lana either way… we keep dancing and dancing… I can barely see her face in the dark room. She has sharp, bitter lips. Bitter like cooking chocolate. We kiss for about ten minutes. I feel her feeling me up under my shirt, but I don’t try to stop her. Why don't I? I don't know, I just don't want to stop her. And if I don’t want to, then I don’t have to. I can do anything I want… Her hands slide up and down my body, and I respond to her touch. I barely recognize myself. What’s happening to me?
“Let’s go, I’ll give you a little something,” Marina says, pulling me towards the coffee table near the sofa.
“Sure,” I say, yielding myself to her.
I don’t care what she offers me, I’ll try it whatever it is.
“Here,” she holds out some kind of cigarette.
It’s not tobacco, but I don’t care. We’re having fun.
– “Give it here,” I say without thinking. I take the joint without asking what’s in it. I just want to keep having fun.
What a riot. We’re lying on the floor laughing hysterically. I feel like I’m going to break in half from laughing so hard. Everything is so funny! I’m having a hard time thinking. Or rather, I can barely think at all. I’m just laughing like a fool, I can’t figure out what’s going on… who needs to know what's going on? I’m having so much fun. And Marina’s here, too. She’s hilarious. They’re all so hilarious.
My head is pounding. Everything feels so awful… I feel like I can’t go on living. I want to go home. I want to go back to mom and dad… and Kristina… I can’t deal with all these jerks…
I am sitting on the kitchen floor, sobbing. Everything suddenly became so foreign, so cold. I’m so lonely. What’s happening to me? …I want to go home…
Two or three hours have passed…I’m in the bathtub… with Marina… My brains are somewhere far away for the second day in a row. I’m not myself at all… I love Lana, but I’m getting pretty personal with Marina. Why?
The door to the bathroom is locked shut. No one can walk in on us. No one... Marina pushes me up against the door. I can’t move - and I don’t want to… We kiss for another fifteen minutes. Without stopping at all. Without interruptions… I like her spicy lips. They’re just as nice as Lana’s, just different is all. Totally different. I can’t compare them. Her hands feel all over my body. She’s driving me crazy. I can't help but respond to her. It’s so simple, it’s so easy. Everything’s easy with Marina. Everyone’s been with her already, and whoever hasn’t will eventually. But who cares about that? I just feel so good with her right now. To hell with everything else.
Marina takes my shirt off and undresses herself. I feel her body and am even more excited.. her hands are spicy just like her lips. They make me forget about everything. Marina is nothing like Lana. She is not soft, nor gentle. She’s filled with sharpness, spiciness, bitterness. Just like bitter chocolate. I can’t see anything, I can only feel Marina’s lips on my body and her fingers under my skirt…
We exit the bathroom an hour later. First things first - I’ve got to find Lana. Damn! Where could she have gone? No one knows where she is…
On the way, I run into Masha.
“Have you seen Lana?” I ask Masha, who’s a bit tipsy.
“Just a sec,” she says and takes a moment to think. “I saw her somewhere… if I could just remember where… wait a second..." Masha's expression is deliberate and pensive. Well, OK, I'll wait... "I think she's with Ed in his room. They’d gone out for a walk and just came back like 20 minutes ago. I’m not sure, but that’s where I think she was…”
“Thanks,” I tell Masha, and head off towards Ed’s room. Something feels wrong…
…and I was right… Lana and Ed are lying on his bed. They’re not just lying there, either… She’s having a good time with him. A really good time…
It’s like I’ve fallen into a stupor, I can’t even make a sound, I can’t move an inch… Lana notices me taking a step back. She's feeling so great... I can only see her eyes, nothing else. I don’t want to see anything else. I don’t want to see anything at all… I leave the room silently.
Nothing means anything anymore. I just want to leave…
I’m sitting in the kitchen drinking some sort of crap. It's dark and cold in here, I feel like my knees are going to freeze to the floor. I can’t feel anything. Nothing at all. Only total emptiness inside. Emptiness inside and outside. I can hear the music from the living room and the doped up laughter… Snow is falling outside. It’s so white. So clean. So sharp. Like Marina’s lips… But I no longer feel anything. I don’t want to feel anything. All I want is to hide in some dark, faraway corner where no one will find me and turn up t.A.T.u., that's all I want. I can't do anything else. So I'm just sitting here, kneeling on the floor in the cold, dark kitchen drinking some shit, while the purest of snow falls outside…
Why? Why did she do this to me? My tears drip into the glass. That doesn’t matter… nothing matters anymore. I feel betrayed. And Kristina’s not here. She’s not here by my side, and this is when I need her the most.
What is going on? Why did Lana sleep with Ed? Probably because I slept with Marina… Just because. It’s so simple, so easy. Only I want to throw myself out the window because of it. Into the white, sharp snow. Sharp like Marina’s lips. So sharp it hurts.
It’s my fault. It’s her fault. I should just laugh and forget about it. No one can judge anyone else… It’s easy, it's simple. And it will happen again. Not just once, either. I can feel it… none of this means anything. It’s just so easy and simple…
The music’s not playing anymore. The noise has quieted down. All of those stupid high idiots, like me, came down a long time ago. Only the sad, soft snow is still spinning and spinning. It's not so sharp anymore. Just like my pain. It will all pass. Everything’s changing…
She is sitting quietly across from me. It's so quiet, I'm almost scared to breathe. In the darkness of the kitchen I can't even see Lana's eyes. I can't see them, but I can feel how the flame that was in them has gone out. We just sit there, not saying anything… what could we say? It's not her fault. It’s not my fault. But we’re both to blame… Everyone’s to blame, everything is, even that white snow on the street. The whitest snow in the world. So white, like a wedding dress, like the one my mom dreams of me wearing one day…
“I’m sorry,” Lana whispers with her strawberry lips. Only the strawberry has somehow paled and faded.
I know why. And Lana knows why… but it doesn’t matter…
“I forgive you,” there’s nothing else left to say. We both know it. Only the white snow lies beyond, behind the window, with the strange silence.
“And I’m sorry,” I whisper after some time has passed.
“Yes,” she says.
No explanation is needed. It’s understood.
Lana sits next to me and hugs me. Her strawberry lips press against my forehead. It’s all past us now…
Another morning, another headache. It’s already Sunday. I’m going to go home tomorrow, pick up some money and some other things while my parents are at work.
It's already three o'clock. Ed's gone somewhere. Lana's in the shower. My whole body is crumbling. We fell asleep there on the cold kitchen floor… I feel like the last few days - and nights, especially - were just a dream. I don't know if they were nightmares or good dreams. Everything's all mish-mashed and tangled up. I promised to call Kristina, I should do that tonight. She's probably worried. We'll probably go spend the night at Vanya's, since Ed's parents are coming back tonight. I don't want to think about anything. I just don't have the energy...
I sit in the kitchen eating cornflakes with yogurt. It’s a helluva lot better than frozen vegetables and waffles. Although the waffles weren’t all bad…Ed’s fridge is filled with all sorts of crap - his parents made sure their little boy wouldn’t die of starvation while they were away. The same crappy pop music is playing over and over again on the TV. New girls strutting their stuff, filling up the whole screen with their tits. I’m so sick of it… but I don’t really care anymore…
The sound of running water in the bathroom stops. Lana will be coming out soon. I should make her breakfast. I dig around in the fridge and take out some yogurt, fruit and cheese…
Lana hungrily eats up the cornflakes and slurps down a cup of tea. Then sandwiches with cheese and fruit. How can she eat so much? I know I sure can’t. I don't usually have dinner. I eat breakfast and lunch, just not a whole lot - need to watch my figure. I want to always be slim and fit. Although, Lana probably burns all those extra calories playing sports, and I don’t play anything. Well, different strokes for different folks. It’s easier for me not to eat then to do push-ups.
I’ve got to say, she’s not looking so hot. Her face is all puffed up, she’s got bags under her eyes, and her skin has turned some sickly looking color. Can’t say I look any better. It’s all because of partying so much at night. What can ya do? The parties ain’t gonna stop. We gotta think of something. We’ll see… or… actually, I don’t really even care. Just put on a little more makeup, and voila.
Suddenly I realize that I've got to look totally fantastic today. No excuses! We’re going to party at Vanya’s place! This thought enters my mind so unexpectedly, that I smoosh a banana and almost fall off my chair, like a dumbass. Although all morning (well, if you can call it morning, it’s nearing four o’clock now) I’ve been thinking about how we’re gonna get to Vanya’s apartment… I hope he’s there…
“Hi! I was beginning to think you weren’t going to call, Jane the pain-in-the-ass!”
“Same to you. I’m rubber and you’re glue!”
“No way, man, it’s gonna stick all over you! OK, now that we’ve settled that… Listen, so what’s up?”
“Nothing special really, Kris… We’re going to Vanya’s today. My face is lobster red…”
“So don’t drink so much.”
“Yeah right, like that’s about to happen.”
“So what else?”
“Nothing much. Just sitting around watching TV. I slept with Marina, and Lana slept with Ed, who we were staying with. And besides that, well... that's about all."
“What the - what do you mean 'nothing much’!? I can’t believe you! Girl, you’re gonna drive me insane!”
“Well, you know… it happens… listen, I’m gonna go…”
“OK… have a fun party…”
Ed didn’t end up coming back. Well, good. It's a lot better without him... we’re lying on the sofa watching TV. The sofa is big and soft. I wonder what Ed’s parents were thinking about when they chose this sofa… It’s so soft.
We get tired of the TV pretty fast. Lana sits up and looks down at me.
“Ed’s not here. Whatever shall we do while no one’s home?” she smiles.
Her eyes are on fire again, with unrelenting, uncontrollable flames. You can’t fight them, you can only yield to her. And anyway, who would argue with Lana’s strawberry lips? No one can resist them. Ed couldn’t.
“Whatever can we do?” I smile back.
“We’ve got to think. It’s a tough question.”
Lana pulls me towards her.
“You’re right. We’ve got to figure something out,” I whisper, slipping lower.
What a niiice sofa…
“Great sofa, huh? I love it,” my girl whispers, taking my shirt off. “But I like you even more.”
“Really?” my eyes are closed, and I don't need to open them.
Everything around me is turning strawberry red…
“Don’t you believe me?” Lana asked, taking my jeans off.
“Prove it to me… show me how much you love me,” I can’t even talk anymore, I can only feel. I can feel her hands, her fingers, her lips and her tongue…
“Of course I will,” Lana whispers, moving down…
Ed returns home only to find us asleep naked. That little bastard probably enjoyed it, too… well, who wouldn’t like it? I wake up to find him staring at me. What the hell…?
“I see you two don’t like to waste any time,” he hisses with a lewd smile, flashing his perfectly straight, white teeth.
He should advertise toothpaste. Or gum.
“Jealous much?” I ask. For some reason I’m not particularly concerned with getting dressed.
“Maybe I am,” he says. And there’s something strange about the way he says it. “I’ll wait for you in the kitchen. We’ll have something to eat and then leave.” Ed takes my chin in his hands and kisses me on the lips. The bastard... although he is a good kisser...
We’re in the kitchen eating pizza. This wasn’t in the fridge before; Ed must have brought it from the store. But who cares, anyway? Who cares where he goes? It’s not like he’s my husband or anything. Thank God.
“So what’s the plan? We going to a club first, or to Vanya’s?” Ed asks looking at his watch.
Why do I want to go back there so badly?
“Right. We’ll leave in about an hour, it’s still early.” Ed gets up and leaves.
I should dress up and fix my face, but I just don’t feel like it. I can’t do anything with myself. I want to go to Vanya’s, but I can’t seem to separate my ass from the chair. I feel soooo lazy…
“Let’s go, or else we’ll be getting ready for 3 hours all over again,” Lana tries to get me up.
“Just a minute. I’ll get up in a second,” I mumble. I don’t feel like moving at all…
Lana physically picks me up from the chair. Now I’m just standing there like an idiot. It feels impossible to even move. Like I’m in some sort of stupor again. Nothing can shake me out of it.
“Well come on already!” Lana tries to get me going. But I don't feel like going anywhere...
“What’s the matter,” she hugs me and gives me a kiss.
Everything’s fine. I'm just feeling a little slow, that’s all.
Why sweat it? It happens. What can ya do?
Something else mixes with the strawberry taste of Lana’s lips. Something vaguely familiar and heady. Something behind me… Ed’s breath. This olive-skinned boy with the birthmark under his lip exudes a scent like cinnamon. I don’t understand anything. It’s all so strange… Such an unusual combination - strawberry and cinnamon. A special mix… for me, that is… Ed’s hands are warm, and I’m cold. I can barely remember what happens next... The strawberry mixes deliciously with cinnamon, and my head starts to spin... only Ed's warm hands and Lana's gentle fingers keep me from falling. It's like I’m in some sort of dream. Like it’s not happening to me… but they’re so close… and it feels so good…
There were a lot of people at Vanya’s as usual. I wore this really hot shore pink blouse with a slit and tight white pants. In this outfit you can see the tattoo on my waist. I got it done about four months ago. Mom just chased me around the apartment with a belt. And she almost got me, too... but I run pretty fast. What's not to like, anyway? It's a sweet little angel, and it's just my style. At least that's what everyone says... and Ed really liked it...
We're sitting on a bench near the door. Vanya hasn't come back yet. Oh well, not too much fun. Here I am, getting old, all dressed up and no one to check me out... that's not playing fair in my book...
Ed holds out a beer to Lana and I. Such chivalry...
“I don’t like beer,” I say. “Is there anything else?”
“How sweet we’ve become,” Ed growls. “I seem to remember a time not too long ago when you would drink anything anyone gave to you..."
“That was then…”
I do not like his tone at all. I wonder what crawled up his butt and died. Maybe our olive-skinned little beauty broke a nail, or maybe he doesn't like the way his hair's done up? Either way, Ed looks a little gay. At least that's what I might think if I didn't know him...
“Shall I bring her majesty some Kristal champagne?” Ed asked sardonically.
What an ass.
“Please,” I reply before I get up and go into the apartment.
The fridge is empty like always. Who would have guessed… When is Vanya finally going to show up? When?! Come on, Vanya!!! Hmm… there’s something weird going on with me. How'd he get into my head? C'mon Jane, snap out of it! Don't be such a lame ass!
I manage to find a bottle of white wine and I wander into the bedroom with it. I want to see what it’s like in there. Last time, I never made it that far. Gotta make up for it this time...
Music is playing somewhere far away. I’m lying on Vanya’s bed. It’s so big and soft! Well, OK, it’s not exactly a bed. Actually, it’s not a bed at all. It’s a big, white mattress covered with linens. I’ve noticed that the whole apartment is done in white and other light colored tones. Nice and cozy…
It’s nice and quiet in here. Everyone else can keep partying in the living room, the kitchen and the stair well, but I think I’ll stay here. Maybe I’ll join them in an hour or so…
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